Grocery Shopping (Unfinished Crack Roleplay)

Location: Nera Unnamed

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Quen-zena, a beautiful Elfin with long Silver hair and copper streaks, was headind to the closest town to buy some supplies, because her and Xyn-lea were running short. She reached the town and got lost after five minutes, "Uh ohhhh....." She looked around and walked up to a random stanger, "Uhm, do you know where the nearest store is?" The man looked at her and grinned in a perverted way while staring at her chest,

"Of course i do...but I would need some incentive for showing you..." His left eye brow raised slightly as he reached out to grab her chest, Quel-zena unsheathed her sword and pierced his hand with her sword,

"What'dya think you're doing!" She jerked her sword back and loosened it out of his hand. "If you want this prize, you'll hafta work for it!" As she stroked her body sexually.

"Hey! Do you know I am!?"

"Lemme think....umm....A drunk?"

"NOPE!"

"OH!OH! I know, I know! A drunk who's gonna get his ass kicked!"

"No-what?" SMACK! She slapped his across the face with her sword, leaving a pulsing, bloody bruise. "OW!"

"So...what did you learn...?" She smiled and a pause insued,

"Well, I learned a long time ago that anyone who picks a fight with me usually ends up dying!"

"Oh really? Well I should've let you finish gloating before i killed you..."

"Yes, that's ver-wha-" She shifts the position of her sword and stabs him in the left manboob.

"AGh...Im dead..." He plops on the ground, 'My only regret, is that I didn't get to touch your boobies..." then...he died...

"That'll teach'em!"

"Hey! She killed Duke Nukem!"

"Get'er!" She looked back and saw a crowd of people armed with pitch forks and torches ran after her,

"Now I know how frankenstein feels...RUN!" She ran out of the town and hid behind some random shrubbery, "I hope they don't find me..." She hears a buzzing and looks up, "AGH! A bee!" She ran away frantically, "Wahhh! I wish Xyn-lea was here, she'd squish it!" She ran faster than ever and reached their campsite, "Okay...I think I lost it... Oh crap! The villagers!"

Xyn-lea saw Quel-zena run through the campsite.
"Oh crap!" she said, "The villagers!"

Xyn-lea looked behind her and saw the villagers chasing her friend.
"What the hell did you do?"
Not having time for an answer, she grabbed Quel-zana's hand and started running.

Where are we going!?" Just as she asked,....they fell off a cliff...

Xyn-lea felt the ground dissappear beneath her and gravity took over. Luckily, the cliff wasn't rocky or steep. The hit the ground, started bouncing down. Xyn-lea tried to grab onto something but there was nothing to grab hold of. Then there was a splash. It seemed the cliff ended in water. She swam to the surface, looking for Quel-zana.

Quel-zena frantically trued to keep on the surface, "Help! Xyn-lea! I can't-" just then she began to sink under the ripples and bubbles surfaced where she had once been..

Xyn-lea dove down to the bottom of the river. That's right.... She can't swim! She grabbed for Quel-zena's hand and pulled her up to the surface and towards the far bank.
"Quel-zena? You all right?"

She spewed out water from her esophagous(Your browser may not support display of this image.) "Y-Yeah, I'll be okay..."

Selvie had just walked into the town with the intention of getting a good, strong alchaholic drink when she saw the townsfolk running out of it. She flipped the long bangs of her now turquoise hair out of her face and, rather bored, followed to see what the commotion was.
She eventually reached the side of the cliff and saw the two Elfin women on the bank of the river. Glancing back and forth between the villagers and the women, she thought, Looks like a pair of fellow trouble makers...
In an instant, she decided to help them (having been in that sort of situation before and knowing how much it sucked)
Jumping up in the air and hovering momentarily, whistling as loudly as she could.
"Hey! Shitheads!" With that, she began shouting profanities at the townsfolk until they were all looking at her. then, of course, they started chasing her. But that wasn't a problem. She ran just slowly enough for them to almost catch up, then sped away. Quickly, she made herself invisible, then doubled back to the girls. At the other side of the river bank (the one with the Elfins on it), she revisualized. She bowed, an overly fancy hat materializing in her hand.

"Good day, fellow mischief-makers. Mine name doth be Selvie. I saw thou'st were within peril's grasp, and vanqueshed the shit-headed folken, thus taking you without.... Whouldst thou grace me with thine names in return?"

Xyn-lea stared at the pixie that appeared infront of them. Perhaps to the pixie it was funny, but Xyn-lea just thought it was strange and stupid.
"Yeah, thanks for the help, but it really wasn't necessary. We were on the other side of the river from them." She got up and began to wring out the loose parts of he clothes. "Now.... Selvie, was it? We really should go."
She shot an annoyed glance at the pixie. What a weirdo...

Quel-Zena began to walk away as her bowls groaned mercilessly...She looked back at Selvie, "Can I eat it?" She looked over at Xyn-lea.

Quel-zena stopped in her tracks and looked down at the ground. She got on all fours and put her ear down on the ground, "Do you hear that?" She stood up as the ground began the quake ruthlessly. Quel-zena unsheathed her rapier and readied herself, "Something's coming!"

Selvie glared at the woman who'd asked to ear her. The woman, however, was more absorbed in findng out what was, as far as she thought, sneaking up on them.

The ground began to rumble; Selvie looked into the distance, and could see nothing but a cloud of dust. That's not good.....

"Well, looks like it's time for me to be leaving, as I've been tracked down again..." she said, laughing nervously. "So, I bid you two ladies Adieeeeee-"

Her farewell was cut short when Xyn-lea grabbed her ankle and pulled her down.

"Not so fast. You say you've been tracked down again? Well, then you're not leaving us with your problem."

Selvie gulped. This one out of the two women looked dangerous.

"So are you going to tell us what is following you?"

Selvie shook her head. Too long of a story....

"Fine." She looked over to Quel-zena. "Do you have any idea what it is?"

"I have a feeling, hold on." She dipped her rapier down and pointed it towards her ankles and swiveled it in her hand, and it began to glow, and then the glow tranfered to her ankles and she started hovering above the ground, and she hovered above the height level of the trees and looked in the distance, "What the?" She land back down on the ground softly, "It's...a huge rusted machine with missle launchers on the back and machine guns on the sides..." She looked in the direction that it was coming from, and pointed, "It's coming from over there." As she finished off her sentence, the trees began to break and fall and the machine broke through, "Run!" She swiveled her rapier again and began to hover off, "Com'on Xyn-lea!"

Xyn-lea began to run. What the hell is that?
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Selvie stopped her, thinking, If they find her, these two will tell them I was here...gotta hide all of us.
"Wait! I can hide all three of us!" She grabbed onto Xyn-lea's wrist and grabbed For Quel-zena's. As soon as she made contact, she turned the three of them invisible with her pixie skills and whispered sharply to the two of them,
"Now don't let go or you'll be visible again. And try not to get hit by it."

"Think is kinda scary..." Quel-zena began to tear up a little out fo fright, but nobody could tell so it was a plus for her, "Here it comes..." She breathed in deeply and then held it, but noticed her hoer magic fading, "Xyn-lea...Xyn-lea!...XYN-LEA!!!!!" She began to drop to the ground and fell right in the path of the machine.

Selvie felt the tug downward from Quel-zena and realized that she was falling. Her wings, just barely able to hold up her and Xyn-lea, gave out at the added weight of the third person. They began to fall to the ground; Selvie directed the fall with her wings, stopping them from falling on or into the path of the strange machine.

They hadn't been high up, otherwise the landing would have hurt, but it was enough to seperate their hands.

Quel-zena nd Xyn-lea regained their visibility. Selvie, however, stayed transparent.

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The machine stopped, noticing the fallen pair of Elfin women. Xyn-lea got up, rubbing her behind where she had landed. Damned pixie.... that was all her fault.

A voice echoed out from within the machine. It was a bit garbled and hard to understand.

"You! Where did you come from? Have you seen a pixie by the name of Selvaggia?"

Xyn-lea refused to answer. Selvaggia? Must be Selvie's full name. She shrugged. After all, Selvie had tried to save them.
She nudged Quel-zena and hoped she wouldn't give Selvie away.

Where is that nuisance, anyway?

Quel-zena rubbed her head and felt Xyn-lea nudge her, "Hm? Wha? Oh, OH!" She just noticed what was going on, "Nope, doesn't ring a bell!" She smiled and then looked up in Selvie's direction, You owe me big time! Then she glared and looked back at the machine.

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Conversation could be heard through the machine, "Well, they're obviously lying..."

Selvie could hear the conversation inside of the machine.

"Well, they're obviously lying..."

She snuck around behind the machine.. Now, where's the door on this thing?

She heard the echoing voice boom again. "Last chance. Tell us; we know she's here."

Selvie heard Xyn-lea answer inpudently. "Well, if you know, why do you need to ask us? I mean, we've already told you that the name isn't familiar to us. We did see a pixie, though."

Shock passed through selvie. She's ratting on me? That bitch!

"Where?!" Boomed the voice. Selvie made as if to go the other direction.

"The other side of the river."

The panic and anger in Selvie's chest loosened. Then, near the top, she saw a hatch. Immediately, she also saw how to open it.

Handy...

"Xynnie, Why don't they notice Selvie trying to get in?" Quel-zena pointed to the top of the machine, "Can they not see her?"

Xyn-lea turned her head to look at Quel-zena. I wish she wouldn't call me that, she thought, rolling her eyes.

"I can't see Selvie," she whispered sharply to her friend. "Stop pointing before they notice!"


The machine rumbled.
"The other side of the river? That's where we came from; you must be lying...." There came more clanking noises from within it's metallic bulk before the machine's armor began to shift, moving one of the large barrells so it pointed at Xyn-lea and Quel-zena.

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Selvie saw the machine turn towards them. Dammit, leave them out of this! She pried the door open and stuck her head inside, smiling and dropping the invisibility for a moment.

"Looking for me?" she asked with a cheeky smile. She yanked her head out of the machine, but left the door open. she flew above the machine and taunted them. "Neener neener neener!"

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Wow... thought Xyn-lea. She's worse than Quel-zena....

Quel-zena stood up and pointed, "Nyah nyah nyah nyah! You can't catch me!" She looked down at Xyn-lea and grabbed her hand, "Com'on!"

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"Hey! They're getting away!"

"What about Selvaggia!?"

"She'll probably follow!?" The gigantic machine began to move again and started chasing after Quel-zena and Xyn-lea

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"Oh sh--! Oops, almost said a bad word!"

Xyn-lea glanced back at Selvie and saw the machine chasing her and Quel-zena. She began to pick up her speed.

Selvie saw the machine ignore her.

"Pay attention to me, dammit, you FAIRIES! Shouldn't you be maple dancing or something, you FRUITCAKES?!"

The machine screeched to a halt. A blue haired, delicate looking man stuck his head out of the door.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me!" She blew him a raspberry. "Come on. Can't you beat up a bunch of girls? Oh wait.... I guess you're the most lady-like one's here anyway.... Hm. What to do?" She giggled and made herself invisible again.

"They're fairies!?" Quel-Zena unsheathed her Rapier and swivel it on her finger, "Ha! Bet you can't do that!" She ran over to her enemies and stabbed the weak spot of the machine where it was labeled "Weak Spot" and there was a target underneath. "Bulls eye!"

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"Agh! Direct hit!"

"I knew we shouldn't have labeled that thing..."

"Then why didn;t you say anything!?"

"You're a bastard, that's why!" The fairies glared at eachother as Quel-zena jumped into the machine.

"Gimme the controls!" She grabbed the joystick and yanked it around the drove it off of a cliff as she jumped out, but the fairies had already jumped out, "DAMMIT!"

(Why is "joy" bolded? lol)

Xyn-lea brought out her segmented whip as the fairies abandoned their doomed vehicle.
"Nothing but a few fairies? Hah."
She charged within range of the fairies and lashed out at them with the spiky, segmented whip. The first one dodged it, but the blue one got hit by the end segment. It ripped through the flesh in his arm.

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Selvie re-visibled herself. (lol not a word)
"No. Leave him for me."
Now that they were out of their vehicle, Selvie was pissed.
"You guys have been following me for too long." Fire litterally burned in her eyes as a menacing bow materialized itself in her hands. She drew it back and fired an arrow at the blue-haired fairy's head. The arrow seperated itself into several others.
The blue fairy dodged most of the arrows, but three struck. They hadn't hit anywhere extremely important, but the blue-haired fairy was still injured.
"How's that, fairy?" She drew the bow again. "Any last words?"